I would like to take this opportunity to ask August, September, and the first half of October where they went?!? WOW things have passed me by in a whirlwind of activity, growth, experiences, and well...LIFE! I seriously had to go back to figure out what I had last written about and when it was. July?!? OOPS! I hope that many of you have been keeping up on Facebook. Having the app on my phone makes it easy to update that. We haven't had internet since leaving Alliance, though...hence my absence here. Ok, ok...I *had* internet on my phone, but COME ON! Who can do more than a few sentences on those touch keyboards. So frustrating! And, I felt like I was using dial-up back in the stone age. SO slow!
Anyway, I now have...wait for it...a KINDERGARTENER who is reading, tying her own shoes (when she isn't too stubborn), and has HER FIRST LOOSE TOOTH! What?!? When did I get *this* old? I am so proud of my girl. She is doing so well in school! The other day as we were leaving, her teacher told her good job. I said, "Did you do a good job today, Cass?" Her teacher kind of scoffed and said, "Does she ever *not* do a good job?" She smiled at me and it made my heart so proud and full. She is a little one who knows who she is and WHOSE she is and will tell you without hesitation that she is a true princess because she is the daughter of God the King.
Oh, Conrey, Conrey, Conrey...where does one even begin to tell about you? You are the laughter of my days. Conrey is my affectionate one. You won't see him sitting near me without him playing with my hair, holding my hand, or with his arm around my shoulders. He is protective of his momma, his sister, and his baby brother...unless HE is the one tackling his siblings. :) He is wise beyond his years and says the most funny things. He told me that I couldn't eat cookie dough because I would get worms in my biscuits (our euphemism for butt)...yes, on FB I edited a bit. He has the most tender heart and I only have to look at him with disapproval before he melts into tears and immediately apologizes.
Now onto the little handful. KJV (the baby...not the Bible translation) is the biggest handful I have ever known. He is ON everything and INTO everything. He is joy and life and fulfillment. We didn't know that we wanted a baby when I got pregnant with him, but our life would be so incomplete without the little stinker! He is now walking full-time and already has a mind of his own. Don't try telling that boy no...you'll get wailing like you took away his paci or something. He is his own little man and don't you forget it!
Our lives are full and complete and so very blessed. We thank God every day for the miracles...the gifts that He's given us. We are unworthy and we screw up, but our main goal in life is to instill a deep love for God in those tender little hearts. The verdict is a long time coming, but at the moment, it seems as though we're on solid ground.
Well, thanks for stopping by. Now that I'm up and running with internet via the hotspot on my brand new iphone, I will be updating more often. Have a blessed day!
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Anyone here?
Well, I have no internet. I haven't had it for a long time. I will hopefully have it before the month is out. I feel so...uncivilized!
I don't know if anyone is still checking my blog, but I intend to get back to it soon. My kids are big and grown up. My baby is walking and has 8 teeth. My biggest baby is a kindergartener who is learning to read and has her first loose tooth. My middle man knows all of his letters and what sound they make. I didn't know that he could write his own name until he did it...by himself...of his own accord.
Life is busy and hectic and glorious, because I'm alive to enjoy it!!!
Catch ya soon!
I don't know if anyone is still checking my blog, but I intend to get back to it soon. My kids are big and grown up. My baby is walking and has 8 teeth. My biggest baby is a kindergartener who is learning to read and has her first loose tooth. My middle man knows all of his letters and what sound they make. I didn't know that he could write his own name until he did it...by himself...of his own accord.
Life is busy and hectic and glorious, because I'm alive to enjoy it!!!
Catch ya soon!
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Emotions
I have had much time to reflect lately. I have sorted and sifted through bins. I have looked back on memories and a lifetime of pictures. I have found things and pondered why they were kept as a "memory" and why they weren't thrown out, not remembering their significance from a time forgotten. I have thrown away. I have given. I have gotten rid of every single item of baby gear and clothing that I am no longer using for Keaton including all of my baby girl clothes. Well, you know me...I kept a full tub of "memory" clothes. One tub with memories from all 3 kids in it. I think I did well. Anyway... It has been a process of emotions. I have felt joy when I remember a special occasion involving this or that. I have felt sorrow as I gazed into the faces of loved ones gone on or friendships of the past. I have felt the sting that only a parent can feel realizing that my "babies" are quickly running out of that catergory. I have felt a mini "church camp euphoria" as I found a token of a lesson from camp and remembered the power that it had.
Above all, though, I have felt guilt and shame over the massive amounts of STUFF that I have...still HAVE after all of that sorting, giving, and trashing.
We are such a gluttonous people. I fear what God thinks of the sheer amounts of junk that we have. There are people in this world with 2 outfits to their name and I am giving bags and bags of clothes away...some just because I don't want them any more. There are people who have a few outfits for their babies and they rotate them and wash them until they are threadbare. I have kept an entire tub of clothes just because I want to cherish the memories.
What a humbling reminder of how incredibly blessed we are. We are spoiled rotten. We feel entitled. We feel that we are lacking.
We are big babies. Most of us wouldn't last 2 seconds living...truly living...in an under priviledged nation, much LESS a 3rd world country!
I would like to challenge each of us to really reevaluate what we have in our closets, storage rooms, and under our beds. Take stock of what you have in your pantry, cabinets, and fridge. God blessed each of us by putting us where we are. He chose this life for us. Praise God and thank Him for it! Remember those who aren't in the same station in life as you are and pray for them, bless them, give to them.
Next time you think about something you "need," challenge yourself on your own thinking. I'm pretty certain you'll determine that your needs are all met and your wants are not far behind on being all fulfilled.
As I try to stuff everything that I have...and I do mean stuff into the biggest U-Haul available, I pray that God speaks to my heart the truth about what I can do to pare down my belongings further so that all that I have is used for His glory and that I am living within my means and only as He would have me live.
Above all, though, I have felt guilt and shame over the massive amounts of STUFF that I have...still HAVE after all of that sorting, giving, and trashing.
We are such a gluttonous people. I fear what God thinks of the sheer amounts of junk that we have. There are people in this world with 2 outfits to their name and I am giving bags and bags of clothes away...some just because I don't want them any more. There are people who have a few outfits for their babies and they rotate them and wash them until they are threadbare. I have kept an entire tub of clothes just because I want to cherish the memories.
What a humbling reminder of how incredibly blessed we are. We are spoiled rotten. We feel entitled. We feel that we are lacking.
We are big babies. Most of us wouldn't last 2 seconds living...truly living...in an under priviledged nation, much LESS a 3rd world country!
I would like to challenge each of us to really reevaluate what we have in our closets, storage rooms, and under our beds. Take stock of what you have in your pantry, cabinets, and fridge. God blessed each of us by putting us where we are. He chose this life for us. Praise God and thank Him for it! Remember those who aren't in the same station in life as you are and pray for them, bless them, give to them.
Next time you think about something you "need," challenge yourself on your own thinking. I'm pretty certain you'll determine that your needs are all met and your wants are not far behind on being all fulfilled.
As I try to stuff everything that I have...and I do mean stuff into the biggest U-Haul available, I pray that God speaks to my heart the truth about what I can do to pare down my belongings further so that all that I have is used for His glory and that I am living within my means and only as He would have me live.
Friday, July 1, 2011
HOME FREE!
I call it home, though that feels weird. I am back in Alliance in an alien environment. I lived in this house from the beginning of March through April 24th when I had my surgery (on the 25th). Between April 26th and this past Wednesday, I believe I was here 3 full days and 5 or 6 half days. So weird. I really feel as though I don't belong and I don't know this house.
It really felt great to get back here, though, and I must say that I am going to miss it greatly when we leave. I love this little town and I will miss the people. Nobody here reads my blog, so I'm not even saying it for their benefit! :) I really have enjoyed the people here and the Bible studies that I've been a part of.
I came home to a disaster of a house. Oh my. There is so much to do to catch up. I haven't really known where to begin. I have done a few things here and there, but have mainly been recouping from the travelling.
In case you haven't heard the news, we got a transfer! We are moving back to where we lived when we were first married. I am super excited. It is where my hubby grew up and we'll be near his family. What does that mean for the present though? It means that I just had 9 weeks of being sick and recovering and now I have about 4 weeks to pack up an entire house! EEK! Kinda overwhelming! It is definitely worth it, though.
Well, this was short, but that's all I've got for now. Thanks to everyone for your prayers during my overdeal. I cannot reiterate enough how much the prayers did for us. Thank you, LORD for bringing me safely through.
It really felt great to get back here, though, and I must say that I am going to miss it greatly when we leave. I love this little town and I will miss the people. Nobody here reads my blog, so I'm not even saying it for their benefit! :) I really have enjoyed the people here and the Bible studies that I've been a part of.
I came home to a disaster of a house. Oh my. There is so much to do to catch up. I haven't really known where to begin. I have done a few things here and there, but have mainly been recouping from the travelling.
In case you haven't heard the news, we got a transfer! We are moving back to where we lived when we were first married. I am super excited. It is where my hubby grew up and we'll be near his family. What does that mean for the present though? It means that I just had 9 weeks of being sick and recovering and now I have about 4 weeks to pack up an entire house! EEK! Kinda overwhelming! It is definitely worth it, though.
Well, this was short, but that's all I've got for now. Thanks to everyone for your prayers during my overdeal. I cannot reiterate enough how much the prayers did for us. Thank you, LORD for bringing me safely through.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Facing Death Head On
It is a weird thing to decide to write about the fact that you almost died. It isn't a feeling that you can really put into words. So, I am going to write about it in terms of the joy, the blessing, the praise that fills my heart because of the work of Almighty God in my life through this experience.
Let me start off by saying that an experience like I've gone through changes your life completely...for a little while, at least. It can be a good change or a bad change. It can be revolutionary or momentary. I wish that I could say that it was a monumental change in this girl that changed the course of my life forever. I wish that I could say that it made me a stronger, more passionate person about God and living for Him. I wish I could say that it did away with some of my selfishness and sinfulness.
I felt the power of the "change" from this experience. One night, I couldn't get to sleep because I couldn't stop praising God. I couldn't stop singing His praises (don't worry...I was in my private room by now). I couldn't stop talking to Him. I couldn't focus on anything else.
Reality hit me somewhere between that night and the days ahead. I went back to my old patterns. I went back to putting me before Him. I went back to being too "busy" to talk to Him incessantly. I went back to life as I knew it before (only waaaay more tired and weak).
A near-death experience is a catalyst, sure. It is a wake up call, as they say. However, it is what you do with the days following that experience that really matter. It is whether or not you hear, whether or not you listen, whether or not you act. That is what matters. That is where you learn what is truly in your heart.
I am choosing to shout from the mountains tops the glory of my GOD! I will do it in this moment and pray that I have enough of Him to be strong enough to do it in the next moment.
I praise Him for choosing to keep me here a little longer and I pray that I may do the work that He has appointed for me to do. I pray that I might love my husband a little better. I pray that I might love my children a little better. I pray that I may be a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend. I choose to overcome my sinful nature to be what He wants me to be.
Thank you, Lord, for the call...I heard, listened, and I choose to respond.
Let me start off by saying that an experience like I've gone through changes your life completely...for a little while, at least. It can be a good change or a bad change. It can be revolutionary or momentary. I wish that I could say that it was a monumental change in this girl that changed the course of my life forever. I wish that I could say that it made me a stronger, more passionate person about God and living for Him. I wish I could say that it did away with some of my selfishness and sinfulness.
I felt the power of the "change" from this experience. One night, I couldn't get to sleep because I couldn't stop praising God. I couldn't stop singing His praises (don't worry...I was in my private room by now). I couldn't stop talking to Him. I couldn't focus on anything else.
Reality hit me somewhere between that night and the days ahead. I went back to my old patterns. I went back to putting me before Him. I went back to being too "busy" to talk to Him incessantly. I went back to life as I knew it before (only waaaay more tired and weak).
A near-death experience is a catalyst, sure. It is a wake up call, as they say. However, it is what you do with the days following that experience that really matter. It is whether or not you hear, whether or not you listen, whether or not you act. That is what matters. That is where you learn what is truly in your heart.
I am choosing to shout from the mountains tops the glory of my GOD! I will do it in this moment and pray that I have enough of Him to be strong enough to do it in the next moment.
I praise Him for choosing to keep me here a little longer and I pray that I may do the work that He has appointed for me to do. I pray that I might love my husband a little better. I pray that I might love my children a little better. I pray that I may be a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend. I choose to overcome my sinful nature to be what He wants me to be.
Thank you, Lord, for the call...I heard, listened, and I choose to respond.
Monday, June 6, 2011
My First Skype
I don't really know how to begin to write about my first skype experience. To say that it was touching is an understatement. To say that it was a blessing and an encouragement falls short.
On May 18th, my home church held a prayer service on my behalf. They've done this for many different occasions and people, but this one was for me...a very humbling thing.
It was made even more special when I was asked to skype in to the prayer session. After joking about my dreadful appearance (17 lbs lost, hair a mess, no make-up), I conceded that it would be worth it for the prayers. BOY, was I right! How amazing was it to not only hear what was being said, but to see the faces of those I love. I held on to the images of my brother, Derin, and my baby sister, Dani (Dustin lives out of state, so he wasn't there). I just couldn't get enough of them! My sis-in-law, nephews, and niece were precious sights to see, as well. Also, my second family, the Dosseys (and Herrmans). My sweet friends, which I will not name because I don't want to leave anyone out. You know who you are and even if you weren't there in person, I know that you were all there in spirit. I was just so blessed by the entire experience!
I just want to thank my sweet "sister," Carla, and my sweet friend, Kelly, for organizing the event. You both know the power of prayer in different ways in your lives and I have been blessed to hold you both up in prayers. I know you don't want thanks, but you have no idea what that 30 minutes did for me! Well, maybe you DO understand. ;)
Prayer works, my friends! I am living proof. I have faced death, or the possibility of it, head on (twice, actually). If it weren't for the prayers that were flooding the gates of heaven, I believe that I would be there now. While I have high aspirations of that being my eternal home, I was not ready to leave my husband, my babies, my family, and my friends behind. I begged, I pleaded, and God heard my cries...OUR cries. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart!
On May 18th, my home church held a prayer service on my behalf. They've done this for many different occasions and people, but this one was for me...a very humbling thing.
It was made even more special when I was asked to skype in to the prayer session. After joking about my dreadful appearance (17 lbs lost, hair a mess, no make-up), I conceded that it would be worth it for the prayers. BOY, was I right! How amazing was it to not only hear what was being said, but to see the faces of those I love. I held on to the images of my brother, Derin, and my baby sister, Dani (Dustin lives out of state, so he wasn't there). I just couldn't get enough of them! My sis-in-law, nephews, and niece were precious sights to see, as well. Also, my second family, the Dosseys (and Herrmans). My sweet friends, which I will not name because I don't want to leave anyone out. You know who you are and even if you weren't there in person, I know that you were all there in spirit. I was just so blessed by the entire experience!
I just want to thank my sweet "sister," Carla, and my sweet friend, Kelly, for organizing the event. You both know the power of prayer in different ways in your lives and I have been blessed to hold you both up in prayers. I know you don't want thanks, but you have no idea what that 30 minutes did for me! Well, maybe you DO understand. ;)
Prayer works, my friends! I am living proof. I have faced death, or the possibility of it, head on (twice, actually). If it weren't for the prayers that were flooding the gates of heaven, I believe that I would be there now. While I have high aspirations of that being my eternal home, I was not ready to leave my husband, my babies, my family, and my friends behind. I begged, I pleaded, and God heard my cries...OUR cries. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart!
Upward Climb
Well, the rest is just a bunch of days with ups and downs...bright spots and gray spots. Each day was a little better than the one before. Each morning I woke up with a bit more energy. I could now walk around the nurse's station a few times before huffing and puffing, though my pulse continued to skyrocket whenever I was standing, much less walking.
One day, I was feeling queasy. Zofran wasn't helping...I just felt bleck. I told my dad that I needed to puke. My catalyst soon arrived in the form of my dinner tray. As soon as I smelled it, I told Mark to get it out of the room. As he was trying to decide what to do with it (stick it in the bathroom vs. take it out to the nurse's station), I made the mistake of crying out, "What IS that?!?" As soon as the words were out of his mouth, I threw up...a TON. Buffalo. Meatloaf. I wish that I was joking. REALLY??? Since when is BUFFALO a mainstream protein?!? Ick! Of course, once I threw up and threw up and threw up some more, I felt a TON better and that was the last of queasy tummies for several days.
I want to put in a very weak, very sad shout-out to my precious daughter. This has all been most difficult for her, I believe. She has be so brave and so strong! You see, not only did she keep having her mommy yanked from her, but the night before my first return to the hospital, she had a dream that I was going to be taken away from her along with daddy. It was a horrible, vivid nightmare and I had a hard time calming her afterwards. Little did I know how prophetic my little girl would be. A bit creepy to me, still. It was also extra difficult for her because she had to have her birthday party in my hospital room on a day that was definitely a "down" day for me. I barely made it through present-opening before sending everyone to the waiting room for cake. I was hardly present and felt so sad for her. She was so good about it and had such a happy attitude just wanting me to feel better.
She has really been a great encouragement to me through all of this and I hope that I can someday convey to her how hard it was for me to see her go through all of this. She had another nightmare this morning involving me going back to the hospital and having to leave her again. *sigh* I wish that I could promise her that it wouldn't happen. Unfortunately, I cannot. I can only hope, pray, and beg for you to join me in this prayer. She is a strong little thing, but if one more person tells me how resilient children are, I might deck them. I don't care how resilient they are, I don't want to see my baby girl suffer now whether it effects her future or not. (Dustin, this would not be the time to be a smart aleck!) ;)
Anyway, the day that I got to come home was kind of scary. I held my breath praying that I didn't have to go back. I was afraid to sneeze lest I mess something up.
PRAISE THE LORD, I had no more setbacks for over 2 weeks other than just fatigue and that sort of thing! He has done marvelous things and will continue to do so. I am full resting in His promises of comfort, peace, healing, and supplication. Thank you, Lord, for your providence!
One day, I was feeling queasy. Zofran wasn't helping...I just felt bleck. I told my dad that I needed to puke. My catalyst soon arrived in the form of my dinner tray. As soon as I smelled it, I told Mark to get it out of the room. As he was trying to decide what to do with it (stick it in the bathroom vs. take it out to the nurse's station), I made the mistake of crying out, "What IS that?!?" As soon as the words were out of his mouth, I threw up...a TON. Buffalo. Meatloaf. I wish that I was joking. REALLY??? Since when is BUFFALO a mainstream protein?!? Ick! Of course, once I threw up and threw up and threw up some more, I felt a TON better and that was the last of queasy tummies for several days.
I want to put in a very weak, very sad shout-out to my precious daughter. This has all been most difficult for her, I believe. She has be so brave and so strong! You see, not only did she keep having her mommy yanked from her, but the night before my first return to the hospital, she had a dream that I was going to be taken away from her along with daddy. It was a horrible, vivid nightmare and I had a hard time calming her afterwards. Little did I know how prophetic my little girl would be. A bit creepy to me, still. It was also extra difficult for her because she had to have her birthday party in my hospital room on a day that was definitely a "down" day for me. I barely made it through present-opening before sending everyone to the waiting room for cake. I was hardly present and felt so sad for her. She was so good about it and had such a happy attitude just wanting me to feel better.
She has really been a great encouragement to me through all of this and I hope that I can someday convey to her how hard it was for me to see her go through all of this. She had another nightmare this morning involving me going back to the hospital and having to leave her again. *sigh* I wish that I could promise her that it wouldn't happen. Unfortunately, I cannot. I can only hope, pray, and beg for you to join me in this prayer. She is a strong little thing, but if one more person tells me how resilient children are, I might deck them. I don't care how resilient they are, I don't want to see my baby girl suffer now whether it effects her future or not. (Dustin, this would not be the time to be a smart aleck!) ;)
Anyway, the day that I got to come home was kind of scary. I held my breath praying that I didn't have to go back. I was afraid to sneeze lest I mess something up.
PRAISE THE LORD, I had no more setbacks for over 2 weeks other than just fatigue and that sort of thing! He has done marvelous things and will continue to do so. I am full resting in His promises of comfort, peace, healing, and supplication. Thank you, Lord, for your providence!
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