Where is "home?"

I'm so confused.

Cassie is too.

We are all currently asking the same question: "Where is 'home'?"

We've gone back and forth between here and our house in Olathe. We go "home" to our house, but we come "home" to Wichita.

The question becomes even more confusing when you add in "Home is where the heart is" and furthermore "For where your treasures are, there your heart will be also." As for our "treasures," our worldly treasures are at our house. Our family is all together, so that is what matters. We are all safe and healthy. However, I'm not sure where my heart is at the moment.

Is it where I feel I belong? Is it where I feel comfortable? Is it where I feel at peace? Is it where I feel settled? Is it where I feel like a stranger? Is it where I feel like an intruder? Is it where I feel uneasy?

Here is the problem with that list: I feel ALL of those things in both places. ALL of them. I feel that I belong in Olathe, yet I feel that THIS is where I belong. I feel comfortable living in MY home and surrounded by MY stuff, yet living in the home of my childhood certainly brings back the comfort that only that can provide. I feel like an intruder in both places. I have detached from our home where I feel like it no longer "fits." I feel like I'm in someone else's home as a house sitter or something. I feel like an intruder here because I don't have a place for my things...I don't have the freedom to do anything my way...I can't just be a family with my husband and my children.

*SIGH* It is SOOO hard right now. I wouldn't say that I'm depressed as much as confused...bewildered...overwhelmed. I cannot see any end in sight and I'm not sure where to go from here.

We are once again and forever waiting. The ONLY thing getting me through is that I know that I am waiting on God...on His perfect timing. I know that at the end of this waiting, if I am faithful, will be blessings beyond measure. My cup already overflows with His blessings. So, I will try to be patient and wait on the Lord faithfully...not for the promise of blessing, but because I rest in His hope and I know that His ways are above my ways and He sees the grand scheme and picture. I know that He has plans to lift me up, to prosper me...not to harm me. I know that in His infinite wisdom and love, He will hold us up, encourage us, strengthen us, and lead us to the perfect place He wants us to be at the perfect time that He has selected.

See...I knew the answers all along. I just need you all to read this and let me walk through it to find them, embrace them, and hold to them.

I have been doing a Bible study lately that has actually gotten me INTO the Bible. I don't want to be unfair or unkind, but it is an extremely frustrating study at times where I have trouble figuring the author out. However, it has me in the Word and that is what has been long missing from my relationship with God. That is what has tripped me up when I couldn't make it through. That is why now, the promises of the Bible roll off of my fingers like rain. They have been hidden in my heart, but they are now revived and free to once again shape my attitude, my mind, my heart.

I really can't tell you the last time I actually studied the Bible. I'm glad to be home to it.

There's my answer. I typed it without even realizing what was flowing from my fingertips. God...that's where my home is. Where He reigns and He is free and He is alive!

Busyness

It's awful when you feel that life is passing you by before you even notice that another day has begun. My days lately just seem to melt into each other. Last week, it was because of the pain medicines. :)

We went to a marriage retreat this past weekend and it was really good. We were there without Cassie in a hotel. We were the typical "old" married couple...we didn't go up to our room from fellowshipping until 1:30 and promptly fell asleep. So much for a hotel room to ourselves! Seriously, though, the retreat was really good and even if there had been no cirriculum whatsoever, the fact that we were together...absent of responsibility...for a night and day...it really brought our focus together again.

The retreat was on personality types. I'm an otter ("i") and Mark is a beaver ("C"). Basically, we're complete opposites in every way possible. :) We already knew that. I'm not sure that we really learned much about each other, but we did confirm things that we knew and had an explanation for our behaviors that drive each other bonkers. It was fun and uplifting.

I really don't have anything too exciting to say today. We're going to ta-town (Wichita) this weekend for my cousin, Ali's, wedding. I have 2 cousins named Ali and 1 cousin-in-law named Ali. It gets kinda confusing. This is Alison Dopps...from my dad's side. Hopefully, I'll be able to see a few other people while I'm there. Cami--are you coming to the reception?

Today is my brother's first day of his new job...I'm still so excited for him! I really hope that he enjoys it and that this can turn into a full-fledge career for him!

Well, like I said...not too exciting, but there's your update. Everyone have a great day!

Lots of emotions....

Well--the 'ol pee stick came back negative...again. I'm doing alright with that, though. It's an emotional rollercoaster for me, but I know full well that God has the time and date picked out for us and it will be perfect, as only HIS timing can be. SO...until next month.....

On a brighter, yet crazier note...my sister now has a boyfriend. Some of you know him. Ang--I think that he might have been your Teacher's Assistant. His name is David Herrington and he is...are you ready for this?...6 years older than her. That's right...SIX! They have hung out together a TON for the past year or so with a few other guys...Dani and a bunch of guys! HA! They finally both expressed their interest to each other. Here's the part that makes it okay for me...David went to my Dad and asked him permission to date Dani. He said that he knew that there was a huge age difference (at this stage in the game--it wouldn't be such a big deal in a few years, but now...world of difference) and he wanted my parents to know that he wasn't trying to take advantage of their 17-year-old daughter--he truly likes her and cares a lot about her. They are family friends from church and my parents know their parents well. In fact, Cami, their dad is Jerry Herrington...who was your dad's best friend!!! The weird thing is that I dated his older brother, Paul, so there is a lot of family connection there. Anyway, Dad told him that he knew David was old enough for alcohol, smoking, R-rated movies, etc. and he didn't want Dani exposed to any of that. He told him that we are all pretty protective of our Dani and that whoever she dates has high expectations to live up to. He told him that as long as she was being treated respectfully, he didn't think that age should play a factor, so he would give him permission. WHOA!

As Dad was telling me all this on the phone, I was running through the lists of guys from church that were anywhere from 1-6 years older than Dani, and I came to the realization that he is the only 1 that I would feel comfortable with her dating! Crazy!

So, they're dating now...my sister and a 23-year-old! As you can tell, I'm still trying to wrap my brain around this. Dani's always been very mature for her age and hasn't dated a single guy because all the guys around her age were idiots and far beneath her intellectually. I always thought she'd need an older guy........I just didn't think that it would be a 6-year age gap when she's in high school!!! :)

GO DANI! ;)