Monday, March 23, 2009

A Day At Home

So, last week found us very, very busy with many different tasks. We were gone more than we were home and I'm now VERY glad that today was designated as a stay-at-home day. It is SOOO windy outside and just yuck-o because of it. It's 35 MPH wind with much stronger gusts. I do not like it! :)

Here was our week last week:
Sunday: Church, a quick lunch, and then my baby sister's wedding shower. When I got home, I got myself and the kids revamped for evening church services. Mark was running errands and was going to get some stuff done at home that night. I get ready to load the kids only to find that my keys were locked in the van. NO CHURCH FOR US!!! He had the extra key with him.
Monday: Home day recouping from having company.
Tuesday: Bible Study, House Hunting with my bro and his fam, Zoo with every other person in the whole county
Wednesday: Breakfast with the kids, my mom, and my sister and then a SPA DAY with my sis. After all of that, dinner and church.
Thursday: First day of piano lessons with my 4 students that I will start teaching, a quick lunch, and then addressing my sister's wedding invites (calligraphy, which takes WAY longer). Once Mark was home, I got dinner going, folded laundry, hurt my wrist really badly (more on that later), went to my dad's office to get it x-rayed, came home, took some drugs, got the kids ready for bed, we watched our show (Hell's Kitchen), and went to bed myself.
Friday: Got as much done around here as I could with the hurt wrist and all.
Saturday: Got our new phones set up, activated, etc., did some errands, took the kids over to play in the backyard at my parents, etc., etc., etc. That night, Mark and I played Settlers of Catan after the kids were in bed. That is our fav game.

Anyway, it just seems like we didn't really stop much. So, today is a low-key, relax (as much as you can with the 2 kiddos), and get house stuff done that I neglected this weekend.

Sound fun? Anyone want to come over and keep me company whilest I procrastinate??? :)

I just wanted to give a shout-out to my friend, Meshellyn. She is currently at the hospital HOPEFULLY in labor, though I have no details, with her second baby. She was scheduled (well, she scheduled herself, actually...she is an Labor and Delivery nurse), to be induced today. I pray that all is going well...that the labor is brief...and that baby is healthy. Can't wait to find out who was in there all this time!!! :)

Well, that's my excitement for today.

Thursday, March 12, 2009


Just wanted to clarify...I didn't mean to sound condescending or superior or anything like that towards any woman who has A) not breastfed a child by choice, B) not had a child to breastfeed, C) not been able to breastfeed. I was just kind of trying to justify my irrational-sounding grief by saying don't CAN'T understand. I know that many of you understand on some level or another. I just hope I didn't offend anyone. Please just take it as a woman speaking from her grief and nothing more.

In other news: Conrey doesn't care one bit where his food is coming from. It hasn't affected him one, single bit. Help me out here, Chelf and/or anyone else...affected? effected? I think effected, now that I think about it. Chelf has schooled me on this once before is why I mentioned her. Anyway, Conrey Graham doesn't give a hoot if I've quit nursing or not. That makes it easier on me, for sure. Of course, I will say that I HATED having to get up at 6:30 this morning, make a bottle, etc. etc. Any suggestions on how to streamline that process so that he's screaming as little as possible? I mean, you can only make a bottle and heat it up so fast...

Anyway, the new day has brought a brighter outlook and we're on to bigger and better things, like dealing with a very sassy, very naughty, almost-3-year-old. Once again, I say, "ugh." :)

Wednesday, March 11, 2009


I am hanging on my the knot that is firmly tied at the end of my rope. It's been a struggle. Upon the arrival of day 18, the screamfest that Conrey had been partaking of suddenly came to a halt with but a few minutes of screaming the entire day opposed to the hour upon hour upon hour during the previous 17 days. I'm not 12 hours out of every day he was screaming unless I was holding him or he was eating. ugh.

Do you know why I am so thankful that God finally got us through that phase as of yesterday? I woke up at 2 am this morning with the worst...the WORST earache that I have ever had. I thought that my eardrum was going to rupture. Thankfully, it has not. Serious pain. I took 3 ibuprofen (600 mg--prescription strength) just to make it tolerable. Not fun.

Let's back up to yesterday once again. Along with the screaming subsiding, Conrey also had a couple of bottles. I only nursed him at 10 p.m. before going to bed myself. It was a random decision that I decided to do this. I had been thinking about it for awhile, but just decided to buy formula and try it.

Back to the dr's office today...neither of the medicines that the dr wanted to give me are usable while nursing; the antibiotic nor the ear drops. So, when I feed Conrey at our usual 10 p.m. tonight, that will be it...the last...

I am having a hard time with this emotionally. I know that none of the guys out there can understand it. I know, Dust...blah, blah, blah...give me whatever kind of hard time you want. No more trips to the nursing mother's room at church to gain support and camraderie with those women. No more special one on one time with me and my baby that nobody in the whole world can share with him but me. That chapter will close tonight and will not reopen.

What makes it more difficult for me is that Mark is pretty adament right now that he doesn't want more babies. So, I am not only thinking about ending this with Conrey, but thinking about the fact that I could be done with this...forever.

I really don't like nursing. In fact, it's kind of a's kind of a burden in the big scheme of things. I mean, you're the ONLY ONE that can feed your baby. So, you stop whatever you're doing to meet their every need in this realm. You eat cold food. You miss the best part of the movie. You lose sleep. You get sore and engorged and lopsided and saggy., not a single person...can understand what I'm going through unless you have experienced a positive nursing relationship with your baby. I love it and I dread it. It is a blessing. It is a burden. It is...motherhood in it's very truest, deepest self.

So, as I look at the clock and see bedtime approaching for my little man, my eyes well up with tears and I take a deep breath. This is the first milestone of so, so many in his life that will lead him to eventually be an independent, self-sufficient child, adolescent, and then adult. So, darling little man, on this day when I lead you a step toward manhood, however absurd it may sound at the age of 9 months, I do so weeping for the time we've had together. Time that you will never remember and I will never, ever forget.