Friday, August 29, 2008
I am trying extremely hard to trust in God's providence. I'm trying really hard to trust in HIS plan. I am trying really hard to let HIM be in control.
We have had no bites...not even any nibbles...on our house. We knew that would be the case through August, as it is the slowest month of the entire year...even slower than Dec. What makes it all hard is that the house we desperately want in Wichita (ok...I'm desperately wanting it/Mark just wants it), just lowered their price again. We just feel so defeated like it is going to be gone before we get to it. I KNOW in my head that God has the perfect house in mind for us. I KNOW in my head that if we are meant to have this house, we will. I KNOW in my head that if we don't get this one, there is one better suited for us available. BUT, I WANT this house. I have imagined where I would put things. I have mentally arranged our furniture, our storage, our closets, the playroom. *SIGH* THIS is why you don't look at houses before you're ready to buy. However, we only looked so that we would know if the houses in Wichita were ones we would be happy in. Now, I've fallen in love with this house, the neighborhood (2 pools and a playground 1/4 block from the house), the yard (a HUGE weeping willow and 4-5 other different types of trees...GORGEOUS!), and the area. It is in the school district I want (Maize--the one I graduated from). I can picture us raising our children there and all of that.
I am trying...really hard to trust. I just wish there was some way to secure the house. Unfortunately, they won't take contingencies. That is the ONLY reason it is still on the market. It is court-ordered and the judge said only solid offers. Otherwise, they've had about 10 people that have wanted it, but couldn't do it without contingencies. That should tell you how great it is if they've had that many people mention that they wanted it, but couldn't. There have had to be other people who have wanted it, but understood that there couldn't be contingencies and didn't even bother to inquire.
I am trying...really hard...
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
I DEMAND A REVOLUTION WITHIN MYSELF! Last night, I went through my DVR and cancelled the recordings that were scheduled. I left WipeOut and Ace of Cakes. I felt like those were decent shows to be watching. If you disagree, please tell me why. I am really trying to clean up my act.
Here's where I get soooo stuck on my selfishness and it makes me sick to my stomach. I feel soooo busy. I feel like I don't EVER have time to myself and so that is the time that I spend alone watching "my" shows. What is the problem with this, you ask? Everyone needs time to unwind. WRONG! God should be getting my first fruits. He should get my FIRST cut of time. Right now...He's not really getting even the leftovers...they are going to mindless garbage...much LESS my first fruits. So, I am starting over. I am doing a redo. I am leaving the TV off and I am going to try to put my best foot forward.
I do not tell any of this to toot my own horn. I am not announcing my separation from the trash I've been watching to say "Look at what I'M doing!" I'm telling you so that you all can be my Jimminy Cricket. PLEASE check up on me. I'm telling you...with the new season of shows starting, this is going to be a KILLER on me, but God deserves it and I want to stay strong. So, please pray for me and please check up on me and encourage me. I want to be in on the mission with my brothers in spirit. I'm not wanting to be part of it in an evangelical way, but I can support them by renovating my lifestyle and being supportive of them and their changes.
That's all I have to say. If you haven't read the past month's posts on my brother's blog, I encourage you to hop over there from the link below. I only did Dustin's link, because Derin's been putting his things on there too.
Bye Bye Reality...Hello.....well, REALITY!
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Sunday, August 24, 2008
My baby sister...my BABY sister moved to college this weekend. She is following in the footsteps of me, our brothers, our sisters-in-law, and many of you that read my blog by going to Oklahoma Christian University. I hope and pray that she has a fabulous year, as this is quite possibly her last year as a single woman. That, too, is overwhelming for me to think about. If you don't know, my sister is adopted. We picked her up from the hospital when she was 2 days old. I was just shy of 10, my oldest brother was just shy of 16, and my other brother was 13-1/2. Apparently, I blinked, because she's a grown woman now who is career-oriented, head-over-heels in love, and...well...amazing. She is one amazing girl and I'm not only proud that she's my sister, I'm proud that she's one of my best friends. *tear* My baby sister moved to college...
Today is Mark's birthday. If he was a computer person, I would give him a happy birthday shout out, but he barely knows how to check email, much less blogs. He's been sick, so it's been a crummy birthday for him. Birthdays aren't what they used to be, huh? :) Our birthdays are 2 weeks apart, so he's 2 years older than me for 2 weeks out of the year. I like to rub it in his face. This year, is a bigger deal, as he's 29...pushing the big 3-0! :)
Oh, here's something I didn't tell you all: I won my first ever bloggy give away from Jill at The Diaper Diaries! I'm pretty stoked...especially now that I've got the 2-year-old AND almost-3-month-old. I won this neat list thingie that clips on the shopping cart! It's called a list caddy. I think I requested green. I mean, what OTHER color is there?!? :) Green is my favorite. The funny thing is, it is also the favorite color of my mother, her only sister, and her sister's 2 daughters. We're kind of a green fam! :)
If any of you know Keith Lancaster of the good 'ol days of Accapella, we had an amazing worship service at church this morning with him leading singing. It was great! I thoroughly enjoyed it even though I was at church with the kiddos by myself. Random thought, I know, but it was great!
Well, I sure have written a lot for not having anything to say. On that note, I'm outta here.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Well, gotta go. Thanks for the encouraging emails!
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Thanks to a comment from Kelly, I will be trying out "day 1" of the 3-day potty training method. No, I didn't PAY for the program. How stupid! I just read about other people that had done it. I can't be as rigid with it because of baby brother, but we'll do our best to stay quarantined and make it happen! Go CASSIE!!! Thanks, Kelly!
WHAT??? Where do they come up with these things?
Here's the tally so far today:
Pottying on floor/panties/etc.: 0
Pottying in potty: 0
Diaper: Yeah...............she went over to Mark's parents' house today and didn't potty on the potty once. Unfortunate timing, really...
Back on track tomorrow hardcore...no more distractions...we're gonna win this one! I got some excellent bribery today. They are what we call "pretend ice creams." They are a little ice cream cone with a marshmellow "ice cream." Cassie loves them. We'll see how it goes.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
If you haven't read the 2 previous posts, you can catch up below. Sorry, I'm a posting machine today...just wanted to say that Cassie went pee-pee on the big girl potty! Here's our tally for the day so far:
Floor/Panties: 1 wet
Chair/Panties: 1 wet
Pull-Ups at Nap time: DRY!
Potty: 1 all by herself!!!
Booster Seat/Panties: 1 wet
Randomly standing in front of me peeing on floor: 1
So, I mentioned over a week ago that we were going to start doing a preschool program that my friend told me about at http://www.letteroftheweek.com/. So far, it is going really, really well! Cassie loves it, as do I. We've been doing stuff with paper, crayons/markers/etc., Play Doh, puzzles, household objects, etc. She has learned sooo much and can readily supply the information that she has learned when asked. I just wanted to share a few pictures of our experience thus far.
Also, there are a few pictures of Cassie in her big girl Elmo panties. As soon as she goes pee pee in the big girl potty, she gets to wear her Dora panties, which she has been anticipating for quite some time. I'll try to get some more pictures of our potty training adventure, supplies, etc. as it progresses. For now, enjoy these pictures!
Yesterday, my brother, Derin, adjusted my ears when I was in Wichita. It hurt worse than about anything I can imagine happening to my head...it was pretty torturous. BUT, it has helped quite a bit. I have felt my eustacian tubes (the tubes going from your ears into your sinuses/throat area) draining and have had the pressure in my ears, sinuses, and head improve. The dizziness has been less, as well. SO, I think that we might have inadvertently found the answer. My dad said from the beginning that he thought it was inner ear related. I, personally, think that I have Meniere's Disease (or syndrome...it's labeled as both). This is way deep in your ear and can cause dizziness, pain/pressure, ringing/roaring, and/or loss of hearing temporarily. You can have some or all of the symptoms. I've had all but the loss of hearing. What makes me think it might be this in particular is that it is hereditary and my grandmother has it with the same symptoms as me. SO, we'll be checking into that. I would MUCH rather have something like this than brain damage, though! :)
Again, thanks for all of your prayers in this matter.
In other news: Mark had a very promising interview in Wichita yesterday. It was a 4.5 hour interview!!! They were squeezing 3 interviews into 1 so that he wouldn't have to come back since we're from out of town. Within 2 hours of him leaving the interview, they had called him back to see about him doing the next step, which is working 2 days for them. SO, he's waiting to talk to the temp agency that does that scheduling so that he can schedule a time to go down and do that. He really thinks that he'd enjoy it and it is evident that they are interested in him, so we'll see what happens. Prayers would be appreciated that: if we're supposed to move to Wichita, he'll get the right job and our house will sell at the right time. If we're not supposed to move, those things will not coordinate.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Enter the weird symptoms...
At first, it was just annoying dizziness that would happen at random...any time, any situation, any position or posture. Then, I would suddenly lose my balance. I would feel like when I took a step, the floor dropped out from underneath that foot. OR, I would feel like it came up and met my foot too early...either way, I'd stumble.
What concerned me more than that, however, was that whenever I would focus on something, my eyes would dart to the left and then back to the center where they would shake (nystagmus) a bit before stablizing. Dizziness can be a sign of many things, but jittery eyes just made me concerned.
It wasn't until the most bizarre of symptoms happened that I decided to go see a doctor. I was walking in our basement hallway when all of a sudden...for lack of a better explanation, I hit...well...nothing, but it was like I hit a forcefield or something. I was propelled backward a few steps. It was the most bizarr-o feeling I've ever experienced.
Tuesday night, I felt like I slept on a cruise ship that was constantly rocking back and forth. I've been on several cruises and quite enjoy the rocking motion...not so when there is really no movement. It's kind of unnerving. Wednesday afternoon is when it all came to a very, very scary head. I was talking on the phone to my sis-in-law, Michelle, when all of the sudden, the upper, left portion of my vision went white. I'm not sure if I have ever felt that scared of health things in my life...except for when I was afraid that my passing out was gonna hurt the baby, but that wasn't scared for me...that was scared for him.
I ended up going to the hospital for what was possibly the briefest ER trip ever. They did blood work and a CAT scan to make sure that I wasn't having a stroke, aneurysm, etc. Everything came back clear...thank the Lord. They attribute the vision disturbances to the impending migraine that plagued me that evening leading them to give me some very crazy drugs. They gave me Compazine and Benadryl. Let me just tell ya, those are a crazy combo. The Compazine is supposed to cause jitteriness, so they give the Benadryl to conteract it. Benadryl through your IV is a WHOLE different ballgame than the pills. For starters, it is immediate. Secondly, it burns like FIRE! It really conked me out and I was pretty doped up through the first half of the next day!
Anyway, yesterday morning (Fri), I had an MRI and I will have those results by middle of next week. What they are looking for is microscopic damage in the posterior fossa portion of my brain...the part that controls sensory stuff. My dr says that he feels that the passing out and blood pressure issues in my pregnancy and labor caused some microscopic damage to that portion of my brain due to lack of oxygen and blood. He thinks that it is trying to repair itself and therefore I'm getting "glitches" as it's healing. We'll find out soon enough, I guess.
Well, that's my story. Sorry it was so long. Thanks for all of the prayers and such. I appreciate it!
Monday, August 11, 2008
First of all, again I do not have many details on my cousin, Brooke's, baby. My mom left me a voicemail saying that she would email me the e-mail from my uncle and then I will know more. Aunt Naomi, I'm sure you can clue us all in if you have time. What I DO know is that the baby girl has spina bifida and they are going to try to do an invitro surgery. Please keep this family in your prayers. I will definitely post more when I know more.
Here is an update and picture of Addison. The picture is about 1 week old or so. The update is long, but a very good update from her Momma. Thanks again to everyone for your prayers for these 2 special families! They truly appreciate it!!!
Now for an update...week #2 with Addison was more up & down than the first week & the start of week #3 has proved to be a bit trying thus far, but we are hanging in there. I can't remember exactly what all I updated on last weekend, but at the beginning of last week, Addison was having trouble digesting her food, so they had to back her way down on her feedings. They watched her really closely for an infection, but thankfully one never surfaced and after several days of reduced feedings, she started tolerating & digesting all of her food. They started gradually increasing her feedings again and she made it up to a whopping 11 ccs (which isn't a ton of milk..about 1/3 of an oz) but we were very proud of our little girl! The other thing that happened was when she started having trouble with her feedings, they had to move her back to a vapotherm breathing machine. It is a step back from the nasal canula, but seemed to help her to where she wasn't having to work as hard to breath. It was a bit disheartening to take that step back, but the drs thought it would help her to digest her food if she wasn't having to work so hard at breathing and it seemed to help with that. So all in all, we were thankful to make it thru those hurdles and are thankful that God protected her from infection. She ended the week looking more peaceful and calm than we had seen her since she was born. She just rested easily and seemed to be doing well. She even made it to the 2 lb mark a couple days ago! Getting to be such a big girl :).
This past Friday night started our latest round of trial. Addison started having trouble with her breathing and is requiring more oxygen than she has been over the previous 2 weeks. Like I mentioned, it started Friday nigth and when we got to the hospital Saturday afternoon, we tried our routine, daily hold time, but she did not respond well at all. Her oxygen level dropped way down, lower than it had ever been and so we had to promptly put her back in her little bed. Thankfully, once we got her back in her bed and laying on her stomach, she recovered quickly and was breathing a bit easier, but was still taking a higher level of oxygen to keep her breathing regulated. It broke my heart to not be able to hold my little girl, yet it was even harder to think that just because we got her out of her little bed, she started having such a hard time. It was a hard thing for this momma, for sure. Her breathing continues to be an issue. Yesterday they started twice a day xrays, lots of blood work, and urine analysis in order to make sure she is not getting an infection. They also decided to go ahead and start her on antibiotics as a preventative measure just in case her trouble breathing is being cause by an infection. So far her blood work continues to come back negative for infection, as does all of her urine analysis. Her xrays are a bit "hazy" as the drs say, so they aren't sure if it is the start of an infection or just her lungs being in such an immature state. The drs are saying that they do not think she has an infection, but at this point it can't be ruled out completely. It was incredibly hard for me to hear them using the terms "infections" and "pneumonia" about our little girl. They will take another xray tomorrow and see how that turns out. They are planning to stop her antibiotics if they xray is improved, if it is not, however, they will probably go ahead and treat Addison for pneumonia and giver her a 7 day dose of antibiotics. Also, they have stopped her feedings for a few days to see if that gives her the extra energy to work on her breathing, as well as not complicate matters any further. Another thing the drs are saying is that her lung might have collapsed a little since she is so young & immature. If that is the case, they will probably put her back on the sipap machine (one step back) in order to give her the extra boost to open that lung up. It is disheartening to think of her going another step back, but if it means no infections and helps her to breath easier, then that is what we will do!! So, that is where we are for now. It has been a bit of a trying couple days as I ache for my little girl and wish there was something I could do to make her breathing easier. I miss holding her, as well, but cherish the time we spend with her and cherish being able to at least touch her & talk to her. We are just praying fervently that God keeps her from getting an infection and that He helps her lungs to mature and grow quickly so that she can breath easier! We are thankful for the drs and nurses who keep a CONSTANT eye on Addison and have done a fantastic job keeping tabs on all the changes & potential issues.
I think that does it for now. We just want to thank you ALL again for praying for Addison & our family. It truly means the world to us, especially in days such as this. Please continue to keep her in your prayers, especially in the next 24 hours as the drs make decisions on the best way to treat her breathing issues. We are not sure what they will decide or what the xrays will show, but we know God is good and He has even this situation in his hands. A side note--also pray for her IV's--she is having a hard time keeping an iv in for longer than 24 hours, which poses a whole other set of risks. Her veins are just so tiny that an iv is hard on them. Thank you again, for your faithfulness in prayer and for passing this along to all of your family, friends, and their churches. We feel God's presense on us daily and we are so thankful for each person who covers our little girl in prayer each day. God is seeing us faithfully thru and giving us strength that I didn't know we had.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
OH, wait...we also had a new experience today. I FINALLY let Cassie play with Play-Doh for the first time today. She LOVED it and we'll probably try to incorporate that into our lessons every few days at least. Ok...that's all for now.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
The 4 greatest words...and then...
When my DARLING 2-y-o was in trouble yesterday...we've been battling eating...she started giggling, at which point I pointed out the fact that I was NOT amused. She looked at me with a big grin and said, "Be Happy, Mommy!" I then explained that I was NOT happy because she was being naughty instead of nice and I didn't like it when she was naughty. We struggled a bit more over the eating...during which point she lost dessert (1 Oreo...I'm SO generous), lost her afternoon snack, and lost ALL TV for the rest of the day...she was also doing various other naughty behaviors during this ordeal. She was on the brink of a spanking and absolutely knew that it was coming when she looked at me with her big, wide, innocent eyes and said, "I LUB you, Mommy!" OH, MYLANTA! I nearly lost it in a fit of laughing, but held it together and told about how much I love her and that is why I want her to be a good girl and want her to eat good food, etc. etc. I tell 'ya! I am WORRIED about dealing with this girl as she gets older and smarter. I just hope I can keep up!!!
So, that's the 2nd chapter in the "I LOVE YOU, MOMMY" diaries. Let's just hope it's a 2-part book. SHEESH!
Monday, August 4, 2008
I have an AMAZING update on baby Addison. Just to recap, she was born at 27 weeks 5 days gestation just over a week ago on the 25th of July. By Tuesday, the 29th (also her mommy's birthday), she was OFF OF THE VENTILATOR (sp?) and on a CPAP machine, which is forced air. It's the same type of machine that people with sleep apnea wear so that they don't stop breathing in the night. As of this past weekend, she is OFF OF THE CPAP MACHINE and is simply on a nasal canula...the very last step before she is breathing entirely on her own. The way I understand it is that she IS breathing on her own, but the canula just gives her more saturated oxygen. It's the little tube-y thing that has 2 tiny tubes that go right inside your nostrils, I think. You nurse people help me out, but that's what I think it is from my limited knowledge. She is doing SO FABULOUSLY and it is only because of the grace of God Almighty that she is doing so well. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your prayers offered on behalf of this little miracle and her parents. Her mother is Holly that has commented so faithfully on my blog...I'm not sure if I ever made that connection for you all. She is a dear friend of mine and has been my partner in prayer for many years. I already miss her so badly and hope that once Miss Addison is better and she has recovered, we can continue our communications.
Now for a little story:
I witnessed what might have been the scariest thing I've ever watched happen in my entire life last night. As a mother, sometimes you just feel helpless and powerless. Last night was one of those times. My darling Cassie was playing so, so nice with her new baby brother. He was on the floor and she was giving him blankies and kisses and was talking so sweetly to him. I was talking to my friend, Jessica, on the phone, but was watching them interact and was just enjoying it while they still like each other, as I know that they will soon be fighting like cats and dogs...if they're anything like their mommy and her siblings. :) All of the sudden, to my horror, Cassie lost her balance and fell...full force...right on to Conrey's FACE! I started screaming (remember how I'm on the phone?) and Conrey was screaming. Cassie was upset by it all and I was just horrified!!! Thanks to God, Conrey is okay. His little eyebrows were a bit swollen still today, but after I got him to latch on to nurse about 1 minute after all of this happened, he calmed down and we established that he was not permanently hurt, though I'm sure he did have some pain. Thank GOODNESS the potty training hasn't been successful, as sister had a diaper on! HA!
When I went in to tell her night-night after getting him calmed and settled, she said, "Mommy, I'm sorry I broke Conrey!" She was upset, but I told her it was an accident and he was okay. It broke my heart to see her feel so badly when it was nothing up an accident. I'm just glad to know that she has a tender heart that will respond to things appropriately.
After all of that, I held him, rocked him, and sobbed. I really and truly think that he could have been seriously injured or killed by that. I was afraid to put him to sleep lest he have a concussion or something, but he slept well and I checked on him often throughout the night.
Well, that is my story for tonight. Maybe I should say "stories," but oh well.
I did a MEAL PLAN MONDAY today, but don't have the energy to go find the appropriate link to link to the host blog (I can't even think who it is at this point), so I will just post my meal plans for the next 2 weeks:
Wed: Ritz and Parmesan Chicken
Thurs: Nothing--Mark is doing work at our friends' house, so we'll just scrounge
We usually eat light and/or eat out on the weekends
Mon: Chicken Crescent Squares
Tues: Rotel Chicken w/ Rice
Wed: BBQ Chicken w/ Provolone
Thurs: Chicken Enchiladas
Fri: Grilled Ham & Cheese Sandwiches
Well, there you have it. I could be more detailed but I don't have the energy. Partially because I remember all too well what is waiting for me upstairs...rice...all over the floor. When moving stuff in the pantry to accomodate my $214 worth of groceries that I bought today (for 3 weeks of dinners plus frozen foods to have on hand, lunch stuff, and breakfast stuff), I hit the Oreos, which fell and hit the Swiffer Wet Jet that hangs in my pantry, which fell and hit a box of Minute Rice, which tipped upside down getting hung up on the can of PAM spray that was another victim of the Oreos, but managed to just tip over trapping the Rice box in an inverted position allowing it to pour...I MEAN POUR all over the pantry floor. At that point, I yelled, "I QUIT!" and came downstairs to avoid the disaster. That was 2 hours ago. Now, it's time to go clean it up. UGH!
Now, it's time to face the music and then get to bed. Thanks for reading this looooooooong post. I'm out.