Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Oh. My. Lanta (Part 5)

I just now got computer access again.  Donna, when I ended it that way, I didn't know that I would be too sick to continue.  :)

So, seriously, I almost died.  I was septic and was minutes or hours away from septic shock.  My pulse was in the 160s and my blood pressure was dropping.  I needed to go potty and the nurses ignorantly got me up to try to go rather than giving me a bedpan or something.  In hindsight, I'm sure they thought, "Duh!  What were we thinking?" 

Anyway, we get into the bathroom and I told them that I was losing consciousness.  I can't spell right now, so sorry about the errors.  Anyway, I don't remember a whole lot between then and when I woke up to 20 people standing over me, but I remember yelling out to Mark that I loved him and I remember telling the nurses that I had to get home to my babies, I couldn't die.

My eyes snap open to people yelling my name.  It was a strange experience that I cannot describe.  It was as if someone plugged me in or something, it was that sudden of an awakening.  They were asking me my name and all of that and I only interested in telling them that I loved that guy over there (trying to locate Mark) and that I needed to get home to my babies.  I was alert and oriented.  I knew who I was, where I was, and what had happened.  I also knew that I was in serious danger. 

From Mark's perspective, he thought that I died.  Apparently, they could not keep me awake.  I just kept passing out.  So, he watches them get me awake and me pass out...4 or 5 times.  They called in the Rapid Response team and my room literally had about 20 people in it.  I don't know what they were doing, what all happened.  I didn't want Mark to have to describe it to me because it was such a hard experience for him. 

I was put on telemetry, which means I had 5 heart monitors that connected to a little box and I was monitored 24/7 for the first 6 or so days that I was here.  My pulse, at this point, continues to be elevated, but not nearly as it was then.

I am just going to lay this out there to show the providence of God and the way that He works everything out.  All glory to Him.  If I had not been life-flighted that day, I would not be here to write this tale.  The hospital where I live would not have had the resources, the rapid response, etc. to save my life.  They just don't have the level of care that was necessary and that is the truth of the matter.  Jehovah Jireh is my favorite persona of God.  God. Will. Provide.  It is the name that Abraham used when God provided the ram so that he didn't have to sacrifice his son.  The Lord will always provide material things, wisdom, and guidance.

That night, I was afraid to close my eyes to go to sleep.  After what I had just experienced, I didn't want to risk it.  Neither of us (Mark, being the other) slept much at all that night.  We were emotionally shot and just kept reaffirming our love for each other and thanking God that we were able to.  He kept vigil over me as I did doze off and on.

I'm afraid that he'll have nightmares of what he watched.  I wouldn't wish my experience on anyone, but I do wish that I could trade places with him there and take those images out of his mind.  I just pray for peace for him and I pray that God uses the experience for His glory and also to cement our marriage even tighter than it was before.

The next day would be turning point number 1, a much-needed sigh of relief, and some things brought to light.

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