It is a weird thing to decide to write about the fact that you almost died. It isn't a feeling that you can really put into words. So, I am going to write about it in terms of the joy, the blessing, the praise that fills my heart because of the work of Almighty God in my life through this experience.
Let me start off by saying that an experience like I've gone through changes your life completely...for a little while, at least. It can be a good change or a bad change. It can be revolutionary or momentary. I wish that I could say that it was a monumental change in this girl that changed the course of my life forever. I wish that I could say that it made me a stronger, more passionate person about God and living for Him. I wish I could say that it did away with some of my selfishness and sinfulness.
I felt the power of the "change" from this experience. One night, I couldn't get to sleep because I couldn't stop praising God. I couldn't stop singing His praises (don't worry...I was in my private room by now). I couldn't stop talking to Him. I couldn't focus on anything else.
Reality hit me somewhere between that night and the days ahead. I went back to my old patterns. I went back to putting me before Him. I went back to being too "busy" to talk to Him incessantly. I went back to life as I knew it before (only waaaay more tired and weak).
A near-death experience is a catalyst, sure. It is a wake up call, as they say. However, it is what you do with the days following that experience that really matter. It is whether or not you hear, whether or not you listen, whether or not you act. That is what matters. That is where you learn what is truly in your heart.
I am choosing to shout from the mountains tops the glory of my GOD! I will do it in this moment and pray that I have enough of Him to be strong enough to do it in the next moment.
I praise Him for choosing to keep me here a little longer and I pray that I may do the work that He has appointed for me to do. I pray that I might love my husband a little better. I pray that I might love my children a little better. I pray that I may be a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend. I choose to overcome my sinful nature to be what He wants me to be.
Thank you, Lord, for the call...I heard, listened, and I choose to respond.