Friday, October 23, 2009

Rainbow after the Rain

Well, today is another day and I'm much more at peace, contented, and secure in my God and His plan.  Really, I was last night.  Mark left to try to make up for lost time.  I pulled myself back together, got the kids together, and went to my parents house to spend the evening with them.  By the time I got there, I was much better and much stronger. 

Mark's biggest worry?  Me.  Every other wall we've hit, I've been the strong one.  This time?  Well, I really pretty much lost it.  I was upset.  I was angry.  I was in despair.  Luckily, in total, this probably lasted 2 hours...2.5 at the most.  Short lived because I had earlier prayed for the very things that I was clinging to at that point.  The peace that passes all understanding, an assurance of God's timing being perfect, the strength to continue to support my husband, my children, myself through this difficult time.  A mere hour and a half before this news, I was speaking aloud to God requisitioning these things.  Little did I know, I would turn my head from those sweet assurances as I grieved and then cling to them with everything to pull myself together for my husband and my children.  God is good to hold his treasures out to us for as long as it takes for us to grab hold.  Thank you, Lord, that I was able to let go of myself and my emotions after such a short time.  Grief and misery can last a long, long time, but I had prepared myself and shielded myself from the worst of it by my prayers earlier in the day.  Does that make sense?

Anyway, we're still working towards finding a job.  We're still trying to figure out where God wants us and why we've been kept waiting for so long.  However, we don't need to know right now.  God knows and that is enough.  Again I say, Jehovahjira...God will provide.


Kelly T said...

More prayers for more strength and more peace. Hang in there, friend.

BEK said...

AMEN sista!!!