Sick at Heart

I don't have the words to say right now.  I now understand that phrase: Sick at Heart.  My heart hurts, it feels sick, it feels sorta empty.  I have not lost heart, however.  I know that God is in control.  This was one of those situations that just makes you feel sick, though.  Mark finally, at about 3:45, called the company because he hadn't heard.  Yeah...not a good feeling.  She said, "Oh, Mark...I had been meaning to call you..."  Not a good way to start the conversation.  She said, "You were our strongest applicant and we were really impressed with you."  Uh...confused and a glimmer of false hope now... "BUT, at the very end of the day yesterday, a guy called that is trained in our specific program and we just really couldn't pass that up.  We don't have to pay for his training and all that.  I'm sure you understand."  Uh, no.  Sorry, I don't.  She went on to say that they really were very impressed with Mark and would really like to talk to him in about 6 months when they are planning on getting another truck and another guy.  Then, the current guy could train Mark in the program and they wouldn't have to pay to train him.  She said she was really sorry because they were prepared to hire him.  Thank you, lady...that is helpful.

Sorry.  That was unkind, but we are just sooo frustrated right now!  I don't understand why this cycle keeps repeating.  I don't understand what we are missing.  I don't understand what we're waiting for.  I know that that is all for God to know and me to trust.  I'm trying desperately.  I really do trust completely.  BUT, I do have emotions that sometimes get the best of me...like this afternoon...

God is good, He works everything for the good for those of us that love Him.  He knows all, sees all, is all.  That is the only way that I am surviving.  The only way.