Friday, July 30, 2010

And then we were

There is no continuation of that sentence.  Life didn't end.  Life didn't crumble.  Life didn't screech to a halt.  We just kept living today.  It was an ordinary day except for the fact that I had to put the kids to bed by myself and I had to pawn them off on others at Chuck E Cheese so as not to feel overwhelmed.

If anything breaks me in this whole thing, though, it is going to be Miss Cassie Leigh.  Oh, that girl!  She bawled her eyes out this morning.  It was rough.  Then, later in the day, she said, "I'm so excited to show my new toy to Daddy!"  I gently reminded her and her eyes fell.  "Oh, yeah.  I forgot."  Later, she said asked if Daddy would stay right by her at Chuck E Cheese the whole time because she's deathly afraid of Chuck E.  I glanced at her sweet face in the rearview mirror and after a moment of thought she said, "Oh, I forgot again.........."  How do I help that sweet, innocent girl understand that this is best for the future of our family...her future?  That it killed her Daddy to leave and not see her beautiful smile every day?  That it is the greatest sacrifice he's ever had to make in his whole life...possibly missing the birth of his own child?  So heartbreaking.  I just want to make good and sure that she doesn't think that it is anything to do with her in a negative sense. 

When I look at the sadness in those eyes, it about breaks me.  However, God's strength is unbreakable and that is the strength that I'm dwelling in, so I will not break.  Thank you, Dear Lord, for getting Mark there safely and please guard, protect, and comfort all of us.


Donna said...

Okay that made me cry. Hang in there. She is so sweet. I am praying for you and your family!

Katrina said...

Made me cry too :( you will get through this!! and in no time you will all be together and Cassie will forget all about her Daddy having been gone.