One week from tomorrow, at the very latest, I will be holding Keaton James in my arms instead of lugging him around in my belly. We are scheduled for induction October 1st if he has not yet made his way into this world. The thought is overwhelming with the multitude of emotions that accompany it.
I'm going from 2 to 3. I don't have that many hands, eyes, or arms. Someone is going to be left out, overlooked, and/or will have to wait.
I get to meet my little man after a loooong pregnancy.
I get to be with my husband soon!
I will experience the joy of watching my two big kids fall in love with their little brother.
Will they? Will they love him and care for him and protect him? Will they resent him and hit him and try to punish him for taking over?
I will watch the world change for my sweet Conrey Graham. No longer will he be the baby...the spotlight. It breaks my heart. Momma's sweet baby isn't such a baby anymore and he'll have to grow up even more once there is a baby around.
I am living in the mode of expectation right now. What was that twinge? How many contractions have I had? Was the my water breaking? It is both exciting and frustrating. The anticipation of each moment is overwhelming.
And yet, I can sit and be still and know that God already knows the minute of his birth. God has it all under control and I just have to TRUST. I can be still and rest in the peace that I've had. Sure, I hurt like crazy all over. Sure, I want him out. But, I can still say that I am at peace with my Lord who is orchestrating it all. All of those emotions are human and okay to be feeling. However, they aren't so overwhelming when I realize that God knows each one. He has been tempted and tried in every way and He overcame. If He was stronger than those emotions in the flesh, He can certainly help me overcome them in the spirit.
I ask that you give me an unending supply of your peace, your rest, and your assurance. I ask that you be with my sweet, baby boy through the remainder of this pregnancy, delivery, and really throughout his life. Right now, though, my focus is on the present in the next few weeks to come. Protect him. Give him strength, health, and the breath of life that only you can breathe into his tiny lungs. Help our labor and delivery to go smooth, to be timely, and to be nothing but pure joy as we act out the pattern of life that you have established. Be with the doctor and help him to be sure of hand and quick to action if need be. Be with the nurses and help them to nurture us through this process and to make good choices for baby Keaton and myself. Be with my support people as I do this with or without my husband. Help them to keep focus on the matter at hand, the situation, and the needs that Keaton and I have. Keep Mark safe as he travels here whether it be in a rush or in order to be here for the induction. Give Cassie and Conrey understanding, gentleness, and joy. Fill their little hearts with love for their brother.
I ask much, Lord. I know that you will provide and will protect our baby boy, myself, and my husband. Thank you for being all that you are so that we might live to a higher standard in your shadow. We love you, Lord. In Jesus' Name, Amen.