The appointment in full

I wasn't in a place emotionally where I could update yesterday with the full report of my appointment.  Today, I am basking in the glory of God and His infinite wisdom and am able to share. 

There is one, beautiful little gestational sac in there that is looking healthy and well.  I'm too early to hear/see the heartbeat, so I have another appointment in 2 weeks for another sonogram and recheck.

There IS reason that I'm so big so quickly, though.  There was an area called a subchorionic hemorrhage in the not far from the baby.  The sonographer believes that it was a failed twin pregnancy.  Basically, it was an area of blood that could have been another baby or just implantation bleeding.  However, there appeared to be a yolk sac, which would indicate that there initially was twins and one just didn't make it.  That would mean that my hormone levels were doubled and that would explain why my belly popped out so quickly and why I had such a quickly positive test so late at night. 

My immediate feeling and reaction was that of loss.  It broke my heart thinking of what might have been.  However, I know that God sees all and knew what was going on in there.  For whatever reason, He knew that this baby, if that is indeed what it was, was not in His plans.

We obviously did not want twins and are thankful beyond all measure to have a healthy baby in progress.  We couldn't ask for more than this, especially considering that we hadn't even asked for it!  We thank God for His providence and for not giving us more than we were capable of handling.

The idea of twins has always appealed to me because my dad was an identical twin and I never got to meet his twin.  However, it was always just an idea that appealed to me...not the reality of it.  :)

So, that is my story.  Sorry that it's kind of random and not very fluid.  I still have joy and grief mingling in my heart, so my thoughts are not clear.  Thanks for sticking with me and for your prayers.