I don't really have anything to post of interest, but was told that I needed to blog. The wife of an old friend of mine died this week of an aneurysm. I joined the "In Loving Memory" group on facebook and found her blog via that. Reading it knowing that she'll never update it again made me think about my own blog and the possible importance of capturing even the most ordinary things. She wrote about every day things, but her blog is, no doubt, a thousand times more important to her friends and families now than it ever was before. I'm sure that they can hear her voice in the words, see her expressions, imagine with perfect clarity her hand gesturing.
I don't intend for anything to happen to me in the near future, but God is the date keeper and I don't know when He will decide that my time is up. So, I want to leave a library of me behind whether it is next week, next year, next decade, or when I'm 110 so that my loved ones can have it to treasure...the dull, the mundane, the ordinary.
Rose was 27 and had a bad headache Sunday evening. She ended up having a brain aneurysm and (as I understand it) after surgery was on life support. God called her number. Her husband, my friend from the youth group, Justin, is now left to deal with shock and grief. You don't think that you'll lose your spouse until you're both old and gray. It's a tough pill to swallow. Her entire body has been donated to those in need. Her lungs were given yesterday to a woman with cystic fibrosis that had about 1 week left to live. What a tragedy for her family. What an indescribable blessing for the woman and her family.
As I think about death, I think about life. I think about the little one being knit together in my womb as I type. When we found out that we were pregnant on Jan 31st, the baby was smaller than a poppyseed. Don't call my baby an embryo, by the way...that doesn't jive with me. Anyway, two and a half weeks later, it is the size of a tic-tac according to one of my pregancy websites. That is an incredible amount of growth in a short amount of time. That baby and my body are both working so hard to grow, create, and sustain this precious life that is already established in there. God knows every single day of this little one's life. He knows the number of days. He knows the character of my baby. He knows the gender and the name.
I am uneasy with the pregnancy. Something doesn't seem right to me and I can't put my finger on it. I feel as though I'm not having the right symptoms. I'm not feeling the right "things." If this is simply going to be a smoother pregnancy, then PRAISE GOD! I will take it! However, I don't know what is going on in there. There is no window in this oven door where I can peek and watch the wonders going on in this sacred place. Tuesday, we should be able to see/hear the heartbeat and then I can rest easy that things are going as they should. I will know if God is just blessing me with less hormone-related sickness or if there is a reason that I'm not sick. I will have the answers and will be able to relax.
I trust God whatever is going on in there. If the baby is progressing nicely or is not faring so well, I trust Him and know that He is sovreign and has a master plan. So, I will just rest in Him until I can see with my own eyes...and even after that, still will I rest in Him and put my hope in Him.