Saturday, August 21, 2010

Mommy with a broken heart

My daughter is having a tough, tough time.  It is, obviously, making it tougher on me, but I know that I understand the situation, that I was part of the decision making, and that I have a much better concept of time than she does.  I just feel so heartbroken for her and am not sure how to help her.

She has had several breakdowns in the past several days.  Wednesday, I believe it was, she was just sobbing her little eyes out when she called to tell Mark goodnight.  She had her eyes squeezed as tight as she could with tears streaming down her little face.

This morning, she woke up crying.  She came and got in bed with me and all she could say was, "Daddy....."  She cried for Daddy a few other times throughout the day.  Finally, she said, "Mommy, you wanna know why I cried this morning?  I dreamed that we were in our new church in Nebraska and I looked and looked for my Daddy.  I finally found him, yelled 'DADDY!' and ran up to him and gave him lots of hugs and kisses!  But, then I woke up and it wasn't real life at all..."

It was almost enough for me to head to the airport to buy the next available tickets to our new town.  It seriously rocked my world and made me realize just how deeply this was affecting my baby girl.  I know full well that God has led us to this opportunity, this situation, the church there, and the job.  I know that He is looking at the big picture and that His timing is perfect, though we don't understand.  I understand that this difficult situation will give us all a bright, bright future.  My baby girl, however, just knows that she can't see her daddy.  She doesn't know when she'll get to again.  She doesn't understand the why's of the situation.  I don't know how to help her understand.  I don't know that she could understand if I tried. 

She's hurting and there is nothing that I can do in this moment to help her.  I am doing my best to heap on the love, care, and extra attention.  Beyond that, I'm at a loss.

This is only temporary and I believe that God would NOT have led us to this situation if it was to harm us or our children.  I believe that He holds the future and that He provides the bread we need for today...not tomorrow, but for today and that is sufficient because He will provide for tomorrow when it comes.  I just hope and pray that my little one is getting her daily strength from my great God and that that is sufficient to sustain her.  In the name of Jesus, dear Lord, please protect my little girl's heart and mind from the evil one so that she might have your peace throughout the rest of this trial.


Donna said...

Oh Devon, I can't imagine. That just breaks my heart too. I think that you are doing a great job. We will make sure to say some extra prayers for you as you go down the rest of this journey.

Michelle Tajchman said...

This brings tears to my eyes :( So sorry for Cassie, I can't even imagine fully how hard this would be on a child. You should make a countdown of some sort with her. Maybe one of those construction paper chains from elementary school. She can cut off a ring every night before bed... I know the exact date you'll see him isn't clear, but it may be helpful. Good luck!