Thursday, February 28, 2008

A need to vent

I just need to vent a bit and this seems to be the natural place...especially considering that I've been on the phone ALL DAY LONG between family, insurance, Carnival Cruise Line, and dr's offices. I'm POOPED of the phone! :)

Here's my issue. Mark has worked an entire full week and then 3 days with his new job...8 days. I have made his lunch for everyone one of those days except for today, as I was sick yesterday. I have kept up really well around our house on stuff...except when I'm not feeling well, which I still feel like I'm maintaining things better than I did before. It always seemed like when he was home with me, I had no motivation because he wasn't doing anything, so I didn't get much accomplished. Anyway, he even said something to his mom about how I'd been doing so well...had kept things up...had made his lunches and had had small things available to eat for breakfast and dinner every day.

SO, today, I spend hours...literally hours working on our cruise stuff for my entire family plus Dani's bf, David. I was getting everyone's info in, making sure things were correct on our booking, etc. I had to do everyone's except for Laura's family, as she took care of that, but then I still went and made 1 modification to that so that it would all be congruent. I bet I talked to Carnival 6 times at least.

At lunch, Mark calls and I tell him my woes (it was 1:45 and I still hadn't eaten lunch, by the way). He says, "Why are you doing that when our house is a mess?" WHOA! One day of being sick and our house is a mess? One day of him not having a lunch made (he ate out, by the way...couldn't manage to make it himself, I guess) and suddenly our house is a mess...and later in the conversation "trashed?" WHOA, BUDDY!

Here's my main beef with this whole thing: the one thing that ever is a "mess" is the kitchen. THAT is because the man cannot put his dishes in the dishwasher. Last night, I had the dishwasher completely emptied and then the dirty stuff put in. This morning, there were 3 cups, a bowl, a plate, silverware, and a plastic cup left on my counter...all from him. That didn't count his breakfast stuff. When the item is in your hand, WHY CAN YOU NOT STICK IT INTO THE DISHWASHER?!?

That is something that we've dealt with as long as we've had a dishwasher. I choose to pick my battles over it. HOWEVER, when I'm sick and have struggled to keep up with our daughter, much less anything else, don't EVEN say things are a mess! Don't EVEN tell me that I need to be up doing physical work instead of the already strenuous mental work I'm doing on the phone/computer. Don't EVEN tell me that things are sub-standard, because I WILL go postal!

To make matters worse, he had this same crud this past weekend. Albeit, he worked Saturday feeling crummy, but on Sunday and Monday, he laid around and did NOTHING. He didn't go to church...he didn't do anything. SO, when I get the same thing, don't EVEN tell me that I'm not doing enough or the right stuff or whatever!!!

WHEW! I needed to get that rant out! I'm SORRY for going off like that, but sometimes you need to and sometimes it is a whole lot better if I do it this way before talking to him so that I can approach him more calmly and rationally.

So, here's my plan: When he gets home, I'm going to tell him that we need to talk and I'm going to be calm about it. I'm going to tell him that I feel that he owes me an apology and lay out the reasons why. I'm going to tell him that I have done my absolute best for a week and a half and I do NOT think that it is fair that 2 days of less getting done because of ILLNESS is any grounds for him to say hurtful things. Then, I'm going to leave it at that let him do with it what he may. However, I know that I've said what I needed to say and had my feelings known.

OK...that's my looooooooooooooooooong post for the day. Amazing how fast my fingers can fly when I'm upset! HA!

Everyone have a great evening and remind someone that you care about them!


Laura said...

I care about you, Devon! Good job doing the cruise stuff for everyone! I'm sure everyone would tell you how much they appreciated it if they understood what it took to get it done. That was complicated work. I was surprised as I was filling stuff in that they would expect of everyone going on the ship to do all that. Not everyone is compitent to do that.

Anyway, thank you for everything you do. You are wonderwoman!! Seriously! I'm not coddling you. I honestly think you are great!

Talk to you soon!

Chelf said...

Let him come and see my mess. He will appreciate you a LOT more.

Yeah, that calmness in an open argument can scare them into action. It shows that you actually mean what you say.