If you haven't already done so, be sure and go see the great tips that Holly posted in the comments of the last household chore post. They're great ideas! We'll see if I can accomplish them!
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So, AT, when I first was going to post about us "trying" and such, I was concerned about how it might come across to you with your fertility struggles and such. I didn't want to offend you or anything. However, I then thought about how supportive and great you've been with all of us, your passion for adoption, and just your general openess about everything, so that's why I decided to post. I've had a teeny, tiny...really infintely tiny view of your perspective over the past week or 2.
First of all, there is a girl that I used to work with who annoyed me like crazy when I worked with her. Through a lady that I still keep in contact with at that job, she knows that we're trying and keeps e-mailing me asking if we're pregnant yet. I would like very much to e-mail her back and say LEAVE ME ALONE!!!! However, I really have just ignored the last e-mail or 2. It's my only defense. She was my replacement so I worked with her for like 2 weeks or less. Therefore, I really don't think that it is any of her business whether I am or am not pregnant, which just further annoys me.
Secondly, one of my good friends from Minnesota called me yesterday to tell me that she's pregnant...due at the same time that I was hoping to be due if things were according to MY plan rather than God's. That was hard for me to swallow, but I did and I celebrated with her (via the phone). I am very excited for her, but it does sting.
So, I wanted you to know, A, that I don't know how you feel, but I want you to know that I am always aware of trying to make sure that I don't hurt you through my posts. Having an adopted sister makes me applaud you so much for being passionate about adoption; even if it wasn't your first choice of having a child...God has a special child picked out for you who desperately needs a loving mommy.
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On a completely un-related note, my sister is a happy girl! She is facing ridicule and resentment from some of her close friends, but she's handling it well. I think that it has settled in with my parents, because they were all out for dinner last night after Dani's voice recital. The funny thing to me was his facebook status. It gives you the prompt Devon is ... and you fill it in. Then, it posts it. Like mine could say, "Devon Vickers is ready for the weekend" or something like that. His said, "David Herrington is glad her dad didn't shoot him." I got a kick out of that.
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Emberley (mommy tike's little one that I'm going to start keeping 2 days a week starting this Thursday) and I had a trial run this morning for an hour or so. She did great! She sucked down her bottle like a champ and made us both proud!
Well, that's all I know for now. Catch 'ya on the flip side.
1 comment:
Thank you for trying to be sensitive to what I have been dealing with for 5 years now. When we were first TTC (trying to concieve), it was hard to see all our OC friends getting pregnant right and left -- even ones who did NOT want to be pregnant. I think it has taken me 5 years to start to be okay with my friends having babies all the time. I think my job at the daycare helps my mommy blues a lot because I get so attached to most of the babies and they reciprocate the feelings. I usually feel the most pain of jealousy and emptiness when I first hear someone new is pregnant or when all they can talk about is being pregnant. I feel bad, but one of my ways of dealing when the baby is first born and shown off to everyone is ignoring the people and the baby. I feel like when things calm down, then it's easier to be around those friends again. I often wish I could get pregnant just once in my life. I often feel incomplete as a woman because I cannot do what God originally made women to do. But as I get older, I have started to realize that maybe all those wishes for a brother through adoption (as a child), and all the general interest in the adoption process and people who have been adopted, I realize that God has been leading me to the adoption process to become a mom. I was meant to be a mom. I was made by God to be a mother. I don't care if it's biologically mine or not. I've never cared about that (and maybe that was God working in me). I just have always known I'd be a mom. If that means that I adopt alone when I'm 35, then I'll do that. If JT wants to be with me, he has to realize that children have always and will always be my life. It's the gift God has given me -- my ability to connect with children and my love for children. If he wants to be with me, JT will need to WANT a child in his life. He will need to see the benefits that child(ren) bring to your life. I thought for awhile that I could ignore what I felt I was meant to do in life in order to be with JT. I don't know if I can do that. --AT
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