Well, there is still no explanation for the strange "encounter" with my husband yesterday. However, he came home and gave me a big, long hug. Then, we had a nice dinner and he played a ton with Cassie. This morning, I told him that I had a dream that I went up to a bakery counter to get a (read that "a" as SOME) donut(s) and they told me that they were closed already and couldn't sell me any. I was really sad about that when I woke up. :) So, he went and bought Cassie and I donuts before leaving for work! YAY! I think that it is safe to say that, whatever the issue, it has passed. That's just fine with me.
My goal is to get Mark to take a belly pic either tonight or tomorrow. It's funny, because I took them like crazy with my last pregnancy, but not so much this time...I just don't ever have the motivation! :) Once you've been pregnant, you've been pregnant, you know?
There is something that I read last night that has really been on my heart ever since and I wanted to share it with you. A friend of mine gave me a book when I was pregnant with Cassie called "Praying the scriptures for your children." I haven't ever paid much attention to it, sadly. I have retrieved it from my nightstand drawer, though, and have begun immersing myself in it. The very first section is, in my opinion, the most important. It is "Praying the Scriptures for your child's salvation."
Let me quickly share a story that is part of my life's story. When I was 4 months old, I almost died and had to have major surgery. They told my parents that I wouldn't live. My dad, in the waiting room of that hospital, prayed that if I did not grow up to be a Christian, that God take me now...to heaven. That has always been a part of what shaped me. I knew that God had called me to be one of His children, because I truly believe that He would have answered that prayer otherwise ("For He is willing that none should perish...").
This concept was always in my mind, but I thought of it more as a prayer you would say in a traumatic situation like that. This little, purple book that I've been reading changed my view of this. You see, one of the women cited in the book started praying for her children when she was pregnant, as most Christian moms do. However, she prayed FIRST for their salvation and SECONDLY for their health. She asked God to let them live at least long enough to become Christians, but if they weren't going to make that decision, then to take them on to heaven while they were still innocent. WOW! That totally blew me away. Her son, at the age of 7 was baptized and at the age of 7-1/2 died of a very rare disease that they never knew he had. However, while grieving, of course, she rejoiced in God's faithfulness to her prayers. She said that a shortened time on earth was well-worth it if it meant an eternity in heaven.
WHOA. I am just blown away by this whole concept. I whole-heartedly agree that I would rather lose my child and know that they'll be secure in heaven than to watch them day after day living a life without Christ and them never coming to Christ...therefore being condemned to hell. It's just REALLY hard to give them over fully to God and tell Him TAKE THEM if you must for the sake of eternity. I am a selfish momma. I don't want my time here where I have real, heavy, killer emotions to be cut short.
So, last night, I prayed this prayer. I told God to look through the book of the life of each of my children. I asked Him to give them long, happy, fulfilled lives if they were going to carry on the Christian heritage that is the stronghold of my family and Mark's alike. However, I told Him that I freely gave them both (and any future children) to Him if they were never to turn to Him...never to call upon His name...never to be immersed in the baptism of the blood of Jesus and of the Holy Spirit. I asked Him to let me have them as long as I could, just so that their place in heaven was secure either way. I asked for the easy way out for myself, for sure. I begged and pleaded for them to be safe from disease, pain, suffering, etc. I asked for them each to have strong, Christian marriages and families some day rather than the alternative that I was surrendering to. I begged and pleaded that I not be tried in that way (losing a child) unless it was the only way my children would be in heaven some day.
My heart cried out to God as I laid it all at His feet. I have never and will never pray a prayer more difficult than that one. However, I did it...it was necessary...I fully submit to God's will in this situation. If He finds it necessary to take my child some day for this reason or any other, I will rely fully on Him for the strength necessary to make it through. If He reads the story of the lives of my children and sees them to be faithful to Him in the end, then I will rejoice with God when they become Christians and every day of their lives that I was able to enjoy them in this life and the next.
Let me tell you, this was NOT easy to begin...this was not easy to articulate to God...I'm pretty sure that the Holy Spirit had to intercede on my behalf as the agony in my heart at these thoughts was not formed into coherent thought. However, I have such a peace about it now. I know that God is faithful and that He loves my children even more than I do.
I urge you all to find a place in your heart that you can pray this prayer...that you can submit your children's salvation to God whether you have any now or not. It is a powerful feeling to know that, no matter if I fail as a parent in teaching them or whether they hide every word of the Bible in their hearts, God will be guiding their footsteps and will assure that they are with me someday in heaven. I have complete faith in that fact and therefore peace.
Sorry this was such a heavy post. It is just on my heart right now. I intend to continue praying this prayer until every one of my children has turned their lives over to God. I think that it is powerful to pray for other children in our lives whether they have Christian parents or not, as well.
I hope that God has touched you by what I experienced last night. All of the glory goes to Him for speaking to my heart like He did. I only felt compelled to share with you the words that I heard from Him. Everyone have a great day and let me know your thoughts on this matter.